Why Do I Feel Shame or Embarrassment About Masturbation?
If you feel embarrassed, ashamed or uncomfortable about masturbation, you are far from alone. Masturbation is a normal part of human sexuality, but the feelings we have about it are often shaped by the messages we absorbed growing up, from family, religion, culture, school, relationships and wider society.
Shame around masturbation can be shaped by religious, spiritual or cultural beliefs, as well as messages we receive within our families. These messages can affect far more than how we feel about self-pleasure; they can influence our relationship with our bodies, our genitals, desire and sexuality more broadly.
I remember several moments at school when masturbation was the heart of some banter and bullying. I don’t remember the girls having those kinds of conversations but with the boys it was used in a negative way.
Both the girls not just talking about it and boys using it negatively can start to embed that shame and embarrassment from a young age.
I also think this is part of a bigger conversation about the relationship we have with our genitals.
In my Sex & Desire Workshop we have a section where we talk about this. I ask several questions for reflection including:
1: What were your genitals referred to as a child? And what tone of voice was conveyed with it?
2. What is your relationship like with your genitals? Do you have one or are they ignored, shamed, disliked?
2. How do you feel about your genitals and the way they look? What feelings, if any, come up when you think about or connect with them?
3. Do you like the way your genitals look?
I have observed the profound effect that shining a light on often unconscious thought patterns has on our sexuality and pleasure with regard to the relationship we have with our genitalia.
The projections that we have put on our bodies, and those from society, porn, media, families, school and the cosmetic industry, also feed into that relationship with our bodies and how we see ourselves.
Masturbation is absolutely normal; it also has health benefits, including relieving stress, improving sleep quality, improving mood, and helping your sex life by helping you understand your needs and desires and enabling you to understand your body more.
The more we understand our bodies and explore the pleasure we’re capable of, the better our sexual encounters are. Solo or with other people.
Something that can really help with this is Masturbation therapy with a trained practitioner. Sounds wild right!
As a Somatic Sexologist, I am able to hold talking and body work sessions that help my clients explore their relationship with their bodies and feelings around masturbation, as well as many other sexual concerns. We would work together to create a specific therapeutic container with agreements for the sole purpose of therapy, using Somatic practices to support an embodied experience and ultimately a deeper level of understanding of yourself.
It’s quite incredible what comes up during these sessions and how freeing and empowering they are in their own right.
Somatic therapy and Sexological bodywork help you reconnect with your body deeply and support you in helping you move through emotions related to self-pleasure and integrate life experiences that lead to these feelings.
It’s a client-centred approach free from any attraction that supports clients in finding more pleasure and acceptance.
Sessions can be done by the magic of Zoom, which I’ve noticed helps my clients feel more comfortable when in their own environment. Or in person you don’t feel home is a safe place to explore this.
From a health perspective the more we know our bodies, the more we know when something isn’t right so exploring your body with curiosity will help you not just in expanding pleasure but knowing if you need a trip to the GP.
If you’d like any furthest support feel free to book a free consultation by contacting me using this link.
Big Love
Nicky x